ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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