i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
