Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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