i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
