For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
