when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He felt like a one man threesome
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
