things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize