woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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