I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize