You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just blew my weed a kiss
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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