to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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