and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
one might say we're banned from that church
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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