she was so not down for the gang bang
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
