me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
