new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
