I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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