Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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