I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
