apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
