she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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