I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
