we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Im part way to drunk.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
