fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
nutella sex= disaster
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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