yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
