This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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