I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wish I only lived at night.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
