Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
