my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
