my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
