also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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