he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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