i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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