If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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