So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize