My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
