I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
