It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
