I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just come out here and I will go home with you...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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