They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
