I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
