Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
