he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
