I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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