Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's never too late to be topless.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
