ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
