She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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