he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
