I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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