I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
