gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
