btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
