My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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