The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
