Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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