ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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