I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
