ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
