you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
