I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
