Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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