Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
