the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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