remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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