he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize