three words: i give head
three words: not that well
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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