you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
