im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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