dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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