guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
