obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
should my penis look like a turkey
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize