He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
