I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize