i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
