please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
