Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
