I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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