I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
