I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think my vagina is haunted
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
