You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I stole a fireplace last night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
