"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize