I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He better not be in your backpack
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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