Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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