I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
