I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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