how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
