The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
barbara walters just said penis...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I FOUND THE LEGS
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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