Sponge bath it is.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize