do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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