I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
