I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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