I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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