p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
