Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
