Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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