I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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