I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
