this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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