1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize