Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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