dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
