this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
