actually, I'm a sock model
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
