so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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