Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
