be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sorry my hands just texted you
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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