I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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