Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It was like getting head from an anaconda
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
